So what’s new with Tony Parker today? Not much, just a “strongly worded statement” from his lawyer about the affair he totally didn’t have with French model Alexandra Paressant:

“Tony adamantly and unconditionally denies ever having laid eyes on this woman, let alone having had an affair with her,” says the attorney, Stanton “Larry” Stein of the firm Dreier Stein & Kahan. “The allegations of the supposed affair are entirely false and fabricated.”

See, if the allegations were entirely false or entirely fabricated, neither one alone would be enough to convince me. But entirely false and fabricated? Nuff said. Also, it’s a really good idea to hire a lawyer who includes his nickname in quotes. Like my longtime attorney, the late, great Larry “Bud” Melman.

*Try pounding on a podium to the rhythm of the words. Get it?

Another chapter in the continuing saga of French model Alexandra Paressant, who claims Tony Parker has been committing flagrant fouls with her ever since they met at his wedding to Eva Longoria. Parker and Longoria have been disputing the call. Now Longoria’s rep says:

“These allegations are 100 percent false and untrue … this is not the first time this woman has used an athlete to gain public notoriety.”

That’s referring to some soccer player Paressant went out with, I think. Who cares. It’s soccer. Anyway, the allegations are false and untrue? Why didn’t Longo say so to begin with? Case closed!

Paressant has produced what she claims are text messages from Parker arranging their trysts, while the happy couple have countered by skipping happily around LA because they’re so happy. Did I mention their complete happiness? Who knows how solid the text-message evidence is, but I’m willing to believe that French putain over them because it’s much more interesting that way.

When Tony Parker — the San Antonio Spurs point guard, rapper (or, as it’s pronounced in his native France, “rrrrrappair”), and, most importantly, husband of Eva Longoria — was asked on the eve of his July 7th wedding whether he wanted children, he had this to say:

“That would be even better than my NBA titles, even if I don’t compare private life and sports. Eva talks to me about it all the time. I’d like to have girls, because I come from a world of boys.”

He sure wasn’t kidding about wanting to have girls! Because now it turns out he’s been “having” French fashion model Alexandra Paressant on the side. And where did they meet? His wedding.

At this year’s NBA All-Star Game, Parker was asked about his wedding plans:

“Eva is doing everything, I’m just going to show up and say yes.”

Apparently “everything” included “not banging anybody else, like we promised.” And Eva told People last year:

“There’s no way in the world I would rather be single… I’ve said the only reason Tony and I are going to stay together forever is because we’re too lazy to look for someone else.”

Sounds like he got his second wind.

Damn, Longoria changed her last name for him, talked about quitting Desperate Housewives so she could have kids with him…

Asked by Fox Sports if her life was shaping up like a fairy tale, she prophetically quipped: “I’m nervous. It’s like everything’s going so well, something’s bound to go wrong.”

For his part, Parker offered this in his first dual interview with Eva, on Extra:

The next day after I met her, like when we sat down, we talked for hours. And I really thought she was a great girl. She’s got a good heart, and I thought, “She was a keeper.” So I said, “I can’t mess that up!”

Oops. Some people just don’t know how good they’ve got it. And by “some people,” I am of course referring to the French.

UPDATE: X17online has an interview with “the other woman.”