Archive for the 'The Washed Up' Category

08
May

Who’s the Last Person on Earth Who Should Criticize Dina Lohan as a Parent?

By Simon Scowl 4 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Legal Messes, Movie Stars, The Religious and The Washed Up

No, not Saddam Hussein, silly, he’s dead. Even worse: Michael Lohan!

Earlier this week Dina was honored as a “top mom” by something called the Mingling Moms Organization (which is admittedly ridiculous), and Page Six quotes him as saying:

“Are you kidding! Top celebrity mom? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. I guess they forgot to mention how this top super-mom leaves her kids alone at night and even parties in their presence. Just wait until we go back to court. She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling ‘Oh, [bleep],’ when she saw the paparazzi.”

I’m not sure why they bleeped out “pshaw,” but I do know that Michael Lohan needs to shut up about partying too much. Being a good tipper up in the strip club does not count as good parenting skills. Even if the stripper is your daughter…

22
Apr

Heather Mills: Fur Lover?

By Simon Scowl 3 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Socialites and The Washed Up

The unhinged uniped is dealing with the return of some old allegations:

Former prostitute Denise Hewitt has claimed that Heather Mills was paid £10,000 a night to work as a high-class escort.

Hewitt revealed on the Channel 4 documentary Heather Mills: What Really Happened that the animal rights activist performed lesbian sex for cash during the ’80s…

Mills repeatedly denied rumours that she worked as a prostitute and claimed the reports were part of an ongoing smear campaign by the media.

Hewitt also claims that Mills told Paul McCartney she would leave him if he didn’t marry her. The road not taken, eh, Paul? And when his back was turned:

[Hewitt] said Heather had made disparaging remarks about her future husband’s age, saying: “Well look at me, I’m marrying an old man with bigger tits than me.”

And twice as many toes.

18
Apr

Lindsay Lohan Says Her Dad’s a Media Whore

By Simon Scowl 1 Comment Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Movie Stars and The Washed Up

According to People:

“I just wish that he wouldn’t go and talk to the media,” she said Friday on radio’s The Billy Bush Show. “It’s not attractive to me, it really upsets me and I wish he would stop. … I love my father. I just don’t know why he’s doing what he’s doing. It’s a weird situation, very odd.”

Yeah, why would a Lohan try to work out family issues via the media? Totally bizarre!

Okay, in the following clip, the dad is Michael Lohan, the kid is Lindsay, and the cigar box is full of Making an Embarrassing Public Spectacle of Yourself:

Oh yeah, and I guess the drugs part is pretty much on the nose too.

15
Apr

Heather Mills Lies

By Simon Scowl 8 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Socialites and The Washed Up

In today’s Page Six story about Heather Mills getting booed at the Miss USA pageant last week (which Cele|bitchy says didn’t happen, and the video seems to bear that out, unfortunately), Mills is quoted as saying:

“In England, people don’t like me,” she said. “But I’m going to move to America, Los Angeles, hopefully… I’ll be better off in the States.”

Which is why she was condo-hunting in Greenwich Village recently. But earlier the day of the pageant she told a British interviewer:

“You know, I’ve always wanted to live [in the U.S.], but I’ve always said that I can’t live here because I want to keep my daughter near her father, but you know there’s plenty [of] holidays.”

This woman wouldn’t know the truth if you nailed it to her good foot.

14
Apr

Dr. Phil Is All About Personal Responsibility, Except When He’s the One Personally Responsible

By Simon Scowl 13 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: The Washed Up

The staff of his awful show is now trying to deflect blame from him for sending a production assistant down to Lakeland, FL to bail out Mercades Nichols, ringleader of the 8 teenage girls who viciously beat up one of their classmates and took video of it. According to People:

An employee for the daytime talk show posted bail for one of eight central Florida teenagers jailed for allegedly participating in a videotaped beating, Phil McGraw’s spokeswoman, Terri Corigliano, confirmed Saturday.

“We have helped guests and potential guests in the past when they need financial assistance to come on the show – assisting with clothing allowance, lost wages, accommodations, travel and necessities,” Corigliano said, according to the Associate Press. “In this case, certain staff members went beyond our guidelines.”

Nichols’ bail was set at $33,000, which means that this “certain staff member” had to lay down over 3 grand to get her out. What, did he take it out of petty cash? Good ol’ Dr. Phil didn’t know anything about it?

It’ll be interesting to see if McGraw owns up to this attempted ratings ploy, or if his folksy aphorisms about taking responsibility for yourself apply to everybody but Dr. Phil.

12
Apr

Doogie Update

By Simon Scowl 0 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Entertainment, Television Actors and The Washed Up

It’s Saturday, so I’m really too, um, “relaxed” to write up a whole long thing about it, but the AP has a followup story titled ‘Mother’ Star Clarifies Britney Remarks. You know, the Neil Patrick Harris thing I wrote about the other day. Whether or not his revised statement actually clarifies matters, I’ll leave that up to you, Dear Reader.

Piss boy! [claps twice stridently]

P.S. Doogie also says:  “My job description is to act, and I should really do just that.” Sounds like he is.

11
Apr

You Know How Heather Mills Says Lots of Things That Aren’t All That True?

By Simon Scowl 8 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Bad Boys & Girls, Legal Messes, Socialites and The Washed Up

She was on one of those British “breakfast telly” shows this morning, babbling about what a victim she is, causing millions of kippers and kidneys and whatever else those people eat to be hurled at TV screens across that fine nation. “Paul’s got three girlfriends with six legs among them, poor me.” Just more of the same from this five-toed sloth.

As I was reading the transcript of the interview, conducted by somebody named Andrew Castle, this little quote stood out:

AC: What’s it like to be back in the United States? In the past you’ve said perhaps you’d like to live there, would you consider that?

HM: You know, I’ve always wanted to live here, but I’ve always said that I can’t live here because I want to keep my daughter near her father, but you know there’s plenty [of] holidays.

She can’t live here because she doesn’t want to separate Beatrice and Paul. What a big-hearted woman! What a great mom. That must be why she was apartment-hunting in Greenwich Village last week. (Somebody spotted her despite her brilliant disguise.) Is this woman even capable of telling the truth?

She’s also got a lot of nerve complaining about Paul’s love life, considering what she used to do for a living. Allegedly. Don’t you love that word?

10
Apr

Doogie vs. Britney

By Simon Scowl 4 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Entertainment, Television Actors and The Washed Up

How I Met Your Mother is apparently The Best Show I’m Not Watching. Are you? If so, you actually know whether or not Britney was any good when she guest-starred recently. HIMYM star Neil Patrick Harris seemed to think so last month, telling People:

“She has a good sense of comedy, and has interesting choices. It wasn’t like she has just been told to stand up there and deliver those lines. I was really surprised by that. She’s really funny!”

“She seems to be doing very well… No strange accents. She seemed comfortable… I want to allow her to show a different side of herself. We’re proud of her desire to change her image.”

Wow! I’d call that an unqualified rave. And her guest spot gave them a nice ratings boost besides. So the ol’ Doogster must be eager to see her come back, right?

Wellllllll… According to the AP:

If Neil Patrick Harris had his way, Britney Spears would be banned from the set of “How I Met Your Mother.” Nothing against the pop singer personally — he just doesn’t think the show should bring guests aboard for a ratings boost alone.

“I’m in the minority that our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed… I worry that if they start ‘Will and Grace’-ing us too much, that the show will suffer… I think we have a great show going, and I hope it’s not screwed up by the desire for 700,000 more viewers.”

Ouch! Sounds like “good sense of comedy” and “really funny” aren’t cutting it anymore.

The AP then asked Harris about who’ll be cast as the “mystery woman” who’s been slandering Barney, his character on the show:

“No telling, but based on the stunt casting we’ve done in the past I’m guessing Tara Reid.”

Damn. He really does want to see a different side of Britney: her backside, as the door’s not hitting it!

04
Apr

Dear Heather Mills: We’re Sorry

By Simon Scowl 8 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Musicians and The Washed Up

We’ve had quite a bit of fun at your expense here at Deceiver, but sometimes we forget that words hurt. Who better to remind us than… Yoko?

John Lennon’s widow revealed her empathy for Ms. Mills following her public divorce with Sir Paul McCartney… “All I can say is it’s not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles.

“I think all the wives did suffer, and I think quietly suffer. Suffer but endured, I would actually say.”

Yoko is definitely the expert on quietness and suffering. Here she is being very very quiet with the Beatles, back before they fell apart, due in absolutely no part to her:

Are you sharing her suffering yet?

03
Apr

Heather Mills Is Too Poor to Afford Adequate Housing

By Simon Scowl 6 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Activists, Socialites and The Washed Up

Ever since that mean ol’ Beatle stiffed her out of her hard-earned cash, leaving her without nearly enough money to raise their daughter Beatrice, Mills has been looking for someplace, anyplace to keep the rain off their poor little heads. With nowhere else to turn, this plucky single mother has been searching in the poverty-stricken One Jackson Square complex in Greenwich Village. Truly a grim flophouse, a last resort for the desperate and downtrodden.

Here’s a look at one such hovel, if you can bear to gaze upon such squalor:

Can you imagine trying to raise a child in such a place?

Seriously, though, just look at those hardwood floors. I’d hate to live in the apartment downstairs. Day and night: “…step CLOMP step CLOMP step CLOMP…”

P.S. She can’t even afford a decent disguise!

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