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Archive for the 'The Washed Up' Category

15
Mar

Wahhh! No More Fame For Me!

By Pastafarian 5 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Fashionistas and The Washed Up

Kate Moss isn’t sure why people are interested in her. I didn’t know they still were, but hey — I wrote about it. What? You wanna fight me?

The 36 year old model, who could easily pass for a 48 year old model complained….

I don’t like being famous. It encroaches on your life. A lot. In fact, I’ve no idea why people are so interested in me. [Ed: me neither] It makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about it actually.

It’s so terrible to be famous. I’m sure it was all she could do to avoid showing up last month to walk around at some Vogue thing in a fancy dress designed by Alexander McQueen (presumably while he wasn’t dead) for which some weirdo with too much money to spend would later pay £100,000.

The show was also filled with other “famous” British people no one else has ever heard of.

Last time I checked getting famous is hard, but not being famous is really easy. You just stop posing, right?

Honestly I hadn’t thought much about Kate Moss until I read ten minutes ago that she didn’t care for fame anymore. So whatever she’s doing to not be famous anymore, It’s working.

09
Mar

Blago Now an Authority on Ethics in Politics

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 18 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Politicos, Slimy Creeps, The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

Blago, Blago, Blago.

I guess I can’t really blame you for signing on for the new season of Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, even corrupt and disgraced ex-governors have bills to pay.

But bringing home the bacon by booking speaking engagements on the subject of Ethics in Politics?

Even presuming that big-hair Blago is innocent of all 24 counts of corruption for which he’ll face trial this summer — a list that includes (but is not limited to) racketeering, wire fraud, extortion, and making false statements to federal agents — he’s still a far cry from George Washington.

So you have to wonder what possessed Northwestern University to invite Blagojevich to participate in a panel discussion on morals and ethics last Tuesday. Perhaps the college comedy troupe was out of town and the students just needed a good laugh?

I’d say that you also have to wonder why Blago even agreed to the gig — I mean, he has to know how ridiculous it looks — but that one’s pretty easy to figure. After all, we’re talking about the man who tried to auction off a U.S. senate seat here. Ethics and absurd irony be damned, Rod just wants to make him some money.

And exactly how much money did the Northwestern College Democrats pay Blago for his expert address?

Sadly, we may never know. But it sure would make for one hell of a good Master Card commercial:

Booking the corrupt politician poster-boy to speak at your university’s panel discussion on ethics? An undisclosed sum.

Blago’s reported opening remarks? Priceless.

Many of you must think it’s kind of ironic that I would agree and accept an opportunity to come here and talk to you about ethics in government. [Ed. Nawwww.] For all the courage and testicular virility [Ed. WTF?] you think you have, if I did the things they said I did, and I did wrong things like they want you to believe I did, I would be nowhere near this event.

Unless, of course, you can throw in a extra couple thousand…

02
Mar

Someone Club Pamela, Please

By Pastafarian 10 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: PETA, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Pamela Anderson sent a letter to the King of Canada, or whoever is in charge up there, asking to end his nation’s apparently never-ending seal hunt.

Actually, Pammy sent a letter to Prime Minister Stephen Harper by putting it in a mailbox in front of the offices of the Canadian Department of Fisheries and Oceans. Does she even know if he works there?

She also said she planned on dropping her car off at the post office because she said it needed a tune up.

The plasticine troll who has starred in at least two sex tapes, was at one time married to or involved with at least two members of two of the worst bands of the early and late 1980s, and starred in such Hollywood classics as “Barb Wire” and “Baywatch.” This is the silicone-for-brains who’s calling seal hunters “an embarrassment to Canada.”

Oh look! A leather purse! Anyway, her letter continues on about something having to do with sea ice and poutine, and how seal pups don’t have anywhere to give birth now that there are so many doughnut shops lining the Atlantic coast.

Says Anderson:

The absence of this birthing habitat will have dangerous consequences for the entire harp-seal population. Without ice, mother seals will be forced to abort their pups in the water.

I don’t know much about ice, and I have no idea what the connection is between this and killing seals for their skins. But I do know that sealskin coats are warm as hell. Nanook was no dummy.

And I also know that if you use square ice cubes in your glass, they won’t cling to the sides like the half circle ones will (thereby leaving more room for scotch). Maybe that’s what she meant.

I did become distracted searching Deceiver’s archives looking for stories involving Pamela’s hypocrisy involving seals, a steakhouse,  and fur coats.

The list is almost endless. I stopped counting after eight. This is getting too easy with this idiot. Writing Deceiver stories about Pamela Anderson is as easy as clubbing a baby seal. Just not quite as messy.

24
Feb

Joan Collins Still Alive, Still Old.

By Pastafarian 23 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Movie Stars, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Joan Collins has carved a huge curse in hieroglyphics that the people at The Daily Mail were good enough to decipher. Take my word for it.  She must have wanted to use one word for each day she was alive.

Why should people be so surprised that women in their 50s, 60s and 70s look sexy and absolutely wonderful?

I don’t know.  Why should someone that’s already outlived my grandmother by four years be considered sexy? These are deep questions.

Joan denies ever having had any kind of plastic surgery, despite claims a few years ago from London plastic surgeon Alex Karidis, who says he saw evidence of cosmetic surgery when he met her in 2004.  He said then…

I clearly saw the scars behind her ears indicating a facelift. I saw that she had also had her eyes lifted. I would say she has had this done in the last five years.

But Joan says…

…I have treated my body as I would a car [Ed: a  rumored major frame off restoration 20 years ago helped], only the best in petrol, care and maintenance, and I’m happy to say it seems to have worked for me.

I wondered what caused her anger, as all the archeologists I know have denied removing the rubies  from her eye sockets.

And then I remembered: Doesn’t she endorse a miracle face cream? One that sells for a paltry $125.00 an ounce? Oh, that’s right–she does.

And Joan continues…

We all know what a drag that is, but there’s no way around the drudgery of reality. We live in a quick-fix society where we need instant gratification for everything. Too fat? Get lipo-sucked. Stringy hair? Glue on extensions. Wrinkles and lines? Head to the beauty shop for a pot of the latest miracle skin stuff.
It’s all a beautiful £1 billion con foisted upon insecure women by canny cosmetic conglomerates.

Wow. At $16,000 a gallon that stuff you’re pushing would add a big chunk to that, wouldn’t it?

Joan continues at great length about all the hot, old chicks in Hollywood, and how they deserve blah, blah, blah…  but I couldn’t get through it all because my giant magnifying glass and ancient code book somehow got Dr. Pepper spilled all over them. Maybe I’ll try again after a nap. Or maybe not.

17
Feb

It’s a Cookbook!

By Pastafarian 10 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Teen Idols, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Admiral Akbar’s daughter thinks the time has come for her to write a children’s book.

Oh, she has written other best sellers even though I’ve never heard of them, like “sTORI Telling”, and the ingeniously titled “Uncharted TerriTORI.”

Am I making those up? I dare you to guess. Maybe it’s mre difficult to find a way to work “This Is STUPID” into a title. Whatever.

The proud mother of two juvenile calamari got a deal with Simon & Schuster for Presenting…Tallulah.  (Why not Presenting…The Party of Five Infinitely More Talented Members of the Original 90210 Ensemble Cast?)

It tells the story of a little girl who feels she is constantly told what she can’t do. Which I’m sure Tori knows a lot about. I bet people say no to her all the time.

Continue reading ‘It’s a Cookbook!’

16
Feb

Revenge of the Plumber

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 18 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Politicos, The Washed Up and U.S. Right-Wing Politicos

Two years, one book deal and countless speaking engagements since his rise to fame during the 2008 presidential elections, Joe the Plumber (a.k.a. Samuel J. Wurzelbacher) has had enough. No, not enough of the spotlight, but of being “used” by those damnable politicians.

All together now . . . Aw, poor Joe!

In what appears to be a bid to stretch his expired 15 minutes of fame into a full half-hour, Wurzelbacher emerged from a year of near-obscurity with a vengeance — and some choice fightin’ words for a couple of America’s political sweethearts.

So who is now in Joe’s crosshairs? No, not Obama, Biden, or Clinton, but rather the two people directly responsible for creating his public persona as the poster-plumber of small business loving middle America: John McCain and Sarah Palin.

CNN reports:

“John McCain is no public servant,” Wurzelbacher said at a campaign rally Saturday in Pennsylvania for long shot gubernatorial candidate Sam Rohrer. Later, in an interview with Pennsylvania Public Radio, he dismissed the suggestion that he owes his fame to McCain.

“I don’t owe him sh*t,” Wurzelbacher said. “He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it.”

“McCain was trying to use me,” he said. “I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy.”

Wurzelbacher said he’s also done with Sarah Palin because she is backing McCain’s re-election bid in Arizona.

Is it just me or does this just not make any damn sense? Does this guy not realize that without the McCain-Palin campaign there would be no “Joe the Plumber,” and by extension no publicist to help him land speaking engagements, book deals, or record contracts? (Yes, you read that correctly.) Apparently not.

Continue reading ‘Revenge of the Plumber’

05
Feb

Tila Deletes Twitter Page, Starts New “Secret” One, Deletes THAT One — Aw @\?#!* It

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 17 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Hey everybody! Look who’s back on Twitter! Did you miss her? Did ya? Did ya? Huh? Huh? Huh?

What?! You didn’t even know she’d left in the first place? What’s wrong with you?

After deleting her twitter account on Monday because she was sick of all the media attention (*cough*), Tila made it 4 whole days — yup, count ‘em, 1, 2, 3, 4… before starting a new, tippy-top secret “need to know only” site @TheRealTila. But shhhhhh! Don’t tell those mean ‘ol bloggers. ‘Cause they be hatin’!

On Thursday, Tila Tweeted:

Damn Twitter was f***ing BORING without me huh? I would be bored as hell if I were U and I wasn’t on twitter anymore! hahhaha jk xox.

And then:

Did ya;ll miss me?? I see all the OG’s here! YAY! No more filthy haters and Media peeps following! Secret page! xox

And of course:

Dont tell anyone I made a secret page ok?? Get the media & haters away from me! They like leeches!

But then, awww, you know what happened? Somehow her “secret” page leaked out to the media & haters. Could it have been, hang on… gimmie a second here… I can figure this out…. Oh yeah!

The public announcement on her blog?

Which she then deleted.

Lucky for us, Disgrasian got a screen shot before Tila got wise to how the haters were gettin’ wise.

Continue reading ‘Tila Deletes Twitter Page, Starts New “Secret” One, Deletes THAT One — Aw @\?#!* It’

27
Jan

Tila Tequila Shopping Pregnancy Ultrasound Pic

By Holly Won't 26 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Tila Tequila, who most recently was heard on Twitter demanding privacy as she mourned the overdose death of her girlfriend Casey Johnson, has announced that she is pregnant and is selling her ultrasound photos to prove it. (So far, RadarOnline is the only one to bite.)

As TMZ skeptically reports:

We’ve learned Tila is shopping an ultrasound around she says proves she’s having a baby.

As for who the father is … God only knows.

Tila tells TMZ, “I hope it’s a boy but I’m not gonna find out ’cause I don’t wanna know. But if it’s a boy the name is Jayden. A girl – it’s Violet.”

She says the baby daddy is “a Swedish man – gorgeous.”

Tila seriously has the shortest memory of any celebutante out there. Not three weeks ago, she was howling at the moon about how much she loved her “wife,” all while knocked up by some Scandinavian dude whose name was not Casey Johnson.

And as of this morning, she has announced she’s retiring from Hollywood to be a full-time mom. And here I didn’t even know she had a job! So, Deceivers: The over/under on how long before she comes out of “retirement”?

21
Jan

Scott Baio Is the New Arbiter of What’s Racist

By Holly Won't 23 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Crazy People, Television Stars, The Washed Up, U.S. Right-Wing Politicos and Writers

People are paying attention to Scott Baio again for all the wrong reasons. He first harnessed the power of Twitter this fall when he mocked Obama supporters for driving crappy cars. Recognizing a good PR move when he sees one, he returned to the Tweets this week to post a photo of Michelle Obama with the caption “WOW He wakes up to this every morning.”

Baio has only a couple thousand followers on Twitter but many of them called it a low blow. A few even questioned whether the bashing was racist, and that’s when it got ugly (no pun intended). Observe Baio’s freakout in action:

scott-baio-again

Ignoring for a second that he totally played the “I have family acquaintances who are black” card, Scott Baio is all about his Italian heritage and has been for years.

Continue reading ‘Scott Baio Is the New Arbiter of What’s Racist’

12
Jan

Tila Tequila’s Definitely NOT on a Pre-Funeral Press Tour.

By The Oversneer 14 Comments Digg! Digg this
Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Legal Messes, Television Stars and The Washed Up

If Tila Tequila’s behavior immediately following the death of her lover Casey Johnson wasn’t bizarre enough for you, the always pornographic “Shot At Love” pixie has re-emerged from the shadows — insisting, as always, that she’s definitely not milking the Johnson & Johnson heiress’s death for publicity.

Nuh-uh. Nosiree. Nothing to see here. And she’s certainly “not doing a press tour” like Perez Hilton. Or something.

tilatweet1

Lemme ask you this: If she were on a press tour, trying to make someone’s tragic death into a story about herself, what sorts of things would she (or her publicist) be doing?

Continue reading ‘Tila Tequila’s Definitely NOT on a Pre-Funeral Press Tour.’

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