“I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she was never allowed to have a childhood,” Madonna told the BBC in an interview that aired Tuesday. “She didn’t get to grow up and make mistakes privately and try things out and just be a kid and be innocent. She’s been watched, judged and been under a microscope since she’s been a teenager. It’s hard to evolve that way.”

So how does Madonna raise her own kids? By giving them lots of a.) abandonment issues, and b.) toys.

Asked if they give her a hard time for working so much, Madonna says, “Yeah! ‘When are you coming home?’ ‘Why are you always working?’ ‘Why can’t you just be like a normal mom?’ I just remind them about all the things that they have, and that if I didn’t do what I did they wouldn’t have those things.”

I’m glad that the Ritchie kids are turning out so well.

The caravan… is the coming together of individuals encouraged to “get involved” in any way they feel compelled, whether its by cleaning up parks or neighborhoods, caring for the sick or needy, or speaking out on behalf of issues such as immigration reform…

As the bio-diesel buses make their way across U.S. cities, members of the caravan will be offered opportunities to volunteer on behalf of established local organizations. However, members of the caravan are free to choose whatever cause or do whatever good they feel inspired to do, whether it is officially organized or not. The goal of The Dirty Hands Caravan is to get people engaged and active in their world. Good works will be done, but the caravan’s overall mission is to “encourage individuals to take individual actions.”

Sounds a bit ill-defined, but hey, whatever makes them feel less guilty about having that much free time. One wit called it “a sort of feelgood A-Team,” which is about right. Or maybe it’s like the Merry Pranksters, except instead of dropping acid with Ken Kesey and having a blast, you get to go around pulling weeds and stuff with a sullen, humorless movie star. Whee. Well, at least it’ll give him something to talk about if he ever bumps into his ex-wife.

Anyway. Then this week he was at Cannes, and France has some strict new anti-smoking laws — which seems dumb because it’s, y’know, France* — but he went ahead and lit up in public anyway. Normally I’d say bravo, but it seems kind of hypocritical to talk about saving the environment and then make other people breathe the smoke from your rotten lungs. How about improving your immediate environment first? Act locally and all that.

Even if you don’t see the connection there, I think we can all agree upon the first principle that Sean Penn is a dick.

*I just meant that on the rare occasion I think about France, I picture everybody walking around smoking cigarettes. But if you want to take it as a slam against them because they’re a bunch of unwashed savages and now they don’t have all that cigarette smoke to mask the smell, that’ll work too.

Last night, Tyra’s dream came true and Whitney Thompson was crowned queen of the Walgreens makeup aisle. Yay for her.

But according to Rich at FourFour, it was all fixed, like, moreso than last season. A reader emailed him an interesting rumor with photographic proof:

Whitney did not try out for top model but was approached on a plane by someone from the show. She was already doing modeling as a size 2 or 4 but because she was closer to a 4 she was a little too big for the show as a regular model. They told her that if she went and gained 10-20 pounds they would definitely put her on the show as “the plus-size model”.

You can see photos of her as a size 4 swimsuit model here. But that certainly doesn’t jive with what Whitney’s been feeding us all season. Observe:

But getting to the top wasn’t easy for the confident beauty, who is a size 8 to 10.

“Right before I left for the show, one of my best friends said to me, ‘You’re not going to go that far. You’re fat,’” Thompson told reporters at the event, noting that the two are no longer friends. “Every week I would remember her saying that. And every week I was like, ‘In your face!’”

More like “In your mouth!”

A source is reported to have said: “Paul was offered a Lexus as a gift and ordered the hybrid limo because it helps to reduce emissions.

“He’ll be horrified after learning it was delivered by plane. Paul has always campaigned for green issues and he can’t understand why anyone would send an enormous car from Japan to Britain on a plane.”

Carbon offsetting firm CO2balance.com said the plane journey would have caused a carbon footprint of 38,050kg, compared to 397kg for a three-week boat journey…

Co2balance.com Director Mike Rigby said: “That is the equivalent of driving the car around the world six times.”

Hey, he should have had it shipped by yellow submarine! Get it? Because, see… he… he was in the Beatles… Leave me alone, I’ve had a bad day.

When asked what she thought the phrase “You’ve had one too many Britney Spears” meant, she replied:

“Oh, you’ve had one too many trashy girls!”

The slang phrase actually refers to getting drunk on beer.

Say what you will about Britney Spears, but at least she wasn’t hiding a baby bump under her Monique Lhuillier wedding gown. Or marrying Pete Wentz.

Then it’s all kinds of wrong that the newest collection for her fashion line House of Deréon makes little girls look like hookers.

Not kind of like hookers. Like actual, swear-to-god pint-size prostitutes.

I mean, WTF is up with the four-year-old in a pink boa and spike heels? Does a preschooler really need skintight pants?

It’s a terrible change in direction for the voice behind “Independent Women Part II” and the co-founder of the Knowles-Rowland Center for Youth.

And given all the rumors about Beyoncé’s possible pregnancy, we better hope she doesn’t have a girl. I don’t even want to think about what the onesies will look like.

On Her Steamy Public Image: “[Hollywood] always play[s] up your sexuality, because that’s what gets men into the theaters. And I never really gave a sh-t about all that stuff! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it is definitely not what I am about by any means!”

On Owning Her Sexuality: “I don’t think I was comfortable with my sexuality until I was an adult, probably, like, 22 – that’s when I stopped apologizing and stopped feeling ashamed. I did the Vagina Monologues in L.A. That made me proud.”

On Sex Before Marriage: “I never believed women had to be virgins when they got married, or that a woman has to fall in love with a guy just because they’re having sex. I don’t think sex is a big deal. I hated the hypocrisy of it. Men can do whatever, and it’s acceptable.”

A lot seems to have changed since October (pre-pregnancy) when she spoke of her Catholic upbringing:

“I will never do a nude scene in a movie — not ever. I can act sexy and I can wear sexy clothes but I can’t go naked. I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed.

“I come from a Catholic family and it wasn’t seen as good to flaunt yourself. I can handle being sexy with clothes on but not with them off.”

You know, for someone who wants to come across as laissez-faire, she sure talks in absolutes about sex a lot.

So she’s decided to start her own rumors that she’s all over women.

The Sun investigates:

The 18-year-old — who plays indestructible Claire Bennet in the BBC2 sci-fi hit — has been dogged by rumours she is a lesbian.

She said: “That’s fine with me. If I’m going to be linked with someone, I could do an affair with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Charlize Theron.

“And Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. There are so many beautiful girls.”

I Don’t Like You In That Way calls bullcrap on that, and I have to agree. First of all, if all you had to do is simply announce that you’re having an affair with Angelina, I’m sure one of you would have figured that out already.

No, the only reason she’s obnoxiously propagating this titillating tidbit is that she wants you to picture her making out with women who are way, way hotter than she is, and hope it rubs off on her a little. It’s not working, right guys? Guys?

And how does she plan to spend that money? Probably not on Maria Rybkina. In 2004 Mills promised to buy prosthetics for Rybkina, a Russian single mother whose legs were cut off in a train accident when she was 5. According to News of the World, Mills contacted Robin and Inna Barratt, a British couple who’ve been trying to raise money to help Maria after meeting her when she was begging for change on the streets of Moscow. Back then Mills was all talk:

“Heather said she would personally get Maria some really good artificial legs, which would cost around £5,000, and cosmesis — the silicone cosmetic covering — which would be another £5,000.

“She promised she would also provide all the medical support needed to get her walking again. She told us that because her charity only helped victims of landmines, she would support Maria from her own personal finances.”

Mucca, 40, then met Maria in Moscow, during a visit to Russia with Sir Paul, who was playing a concert in St Petersburg.

Afterwards Mucca sent Robin an email saying: “I will pay for Maria’s costs agreed in advance and paid directly to the clinic. Please email me the price.” In another she said: “Email me costs individually and I’ll get money to you.”

Which never happened, because she’s Heather Mills. So, since the rich and (in)famous “philanthropist” can’t be bothered, the Barratts have been raising the money themselves. Visit Maria’s Story to learn more about her and to buy a book (UK only) about her life, or e-mail invazab@yahoo.com to make a PayPal donation. If anybody deserves it, Rybkina does. She’s had a tough enough life without being used for a photo op by some narcissistic sociopath.

Usually I try to cap off the post with something light — “Hey, Ol’ Beatle-Bilker should really hop to it and write a check already, LOL” — but this one is just too disgusting. It would be one thing if Mills had turned a blind eye, but this monster went out of her way to raise a struggling woman’s hopes with a lot of empty promises. Heather Mills is human scum.

“Unfortunately [Manson Girls] didn’t come together quickly enough, and she was offered other roles, which she accepted and is looking forward to doing.”

We’re supposed to believe that everybody is just banging down doors to work with this liability?

Not so much, says Nikki Finke over at Deadline Hollywood Daily.

But people associated with the movie told agents that Lohan quickly became more of a deficit than an asset when they discovered that they couldn’t find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her. (And even some name actors…) So now Lindsay is off the pic — but not for the excuses being circulated. Let this be a lesson… Behaving badly may get you on the covers of celebrity-obsessed mags and tabloids. But Hollywood won’t tolerate your sh-t and shouldn’t.

A thousand amens.