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Jun

Ashton Kutcher Is So Over the Earth

By Pastafarian 24 Comments

Categories: Activists, Environmentalists and Movie Stars

The man crowned “The Most Charming Guy in the World” (1996-2008) and World Champion Freestyle Barehanded Barracuda Wrestler — oh wait. This story isn’t about me. It’s about Hollywood sub-moron, “actor,” and “environmental activist” Ashton Kutcher, and what I can only describe as his awesome truck, the International CXT.

Here’s a description from when it first came out in 2004:

Rob Swim, International’s marketing director, said the 5-passenger CXT will appeal to image-conscious contractors, roofers, landscapers and other small-business owners who can use the towing power but also want to draw attention to themselves.

“This truck is for businesses that want to make a bold statement,” Swim said. “It’s for business people that want to promote as much as perform.”

At 7 miles per gallon of diesel, it ain’t no Prius. And he’s been driving it for six years.

But of course that little fact didn’t stop Ashton from getting really upset about that thing in the Gulf though. He comes along about a minute into this video.

Yeah, it’s just awful to need all that oil. Did I mention the CXT’s gas mileage? But have no fear! Since Ashton and his conscience care so much about the environment, he repented by buying a Prius for his wife. You know because saving fuel is important for the Earth, and the children, and the… DIE HIPPIE! Oh. Sorry. That happens less lately, I swear.

May

Ashton Kutcher Just A “Normal Guy” (With a Full-Time Personal Chef)

By Sarah Jessica Snarker 12 Comments

Categories: Entertainment, Movie Stars and Television Stars

Social media-obsessed Ashton Kutcher seems like he’s always working really hard to convince his fans that he’s really just an average Joe. Never mind the fact that he’s a big(ish) movie star, is married to Demi Moore, lives in a giant, multi-million dollar love nest in Beverly Hills — he tweets! He’s on Facebook! He’s just like the guy next door!

In a recent interview with ABC’s Cynthia McFadden, Kutcher explains how he identifies with the hero of his new film Killers, because they are both fighting to be “normal guys.”

Via PopEater:

Kutcher goes to great lengths to convince McFadden that he is a “normal guy” who just wants to “go fishing.” Discussing his new movie, he says, “It’s a movie about a guy fighting to be a normal guy, just a normal guy,” said Kutcher. “I’m fighting the same fight. Social media for me and my wife is about saying to people, I’m a normal guy, I have my wife, we have a regular relationship.”

His definition of “normal” is a bit different than most people’s, it seems. When asked what his greatest extravagance was, Kutcher says, “Neither Demi or I cook. I have someone that cooks for me … that’s the best thing ever. I just want to show up and I want my house to be like a hotel … so I want to have a couple of options. … I like to have a couple of options.”

Okay. So I could forgive the guy for forgetting, every now and then, that he happens to be a big celebrity, married to an even bigger celebrity, and living in some posh retreat in Beverly Hills. I mean, even movie stars must just want to go fishing sometimes, right? But, I’m sorry, you don’t get to claim to be just a “normal guy” and have a personal chef that prepares a couple of food options for you at every meal.

That, my friend, is the definition of “spoiled-ass Hollywood guy” not “normal guy.” Might want to look it up.

Mar

Demi Moore: Hang Up the T-T-T-Telephone

By Audrey Skepburn 10 Comments

Categories: Fashionistas, Movie Stars, Socialites, Television Stars and The Washed Up

Some big thing went down between Demi Moore and Kim Kardashian last night.

Kim Kardashian tweeted that she was “Big pimpin w @SerenaJWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!” and attached a photo of herself and the ladies.

Demi Moore shot back a snotty tweet: “Are you using the word “pimpin” as in pimping? RT @KimKardashian: Big pimpin w @SerenaJWilliams @LaLaVazquez” followed by “No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner!” and then a “if we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the “pimp” culture“.

Kim eventually “apologized” by saying they had been listening to Jay-Z’s song “Big Pimpin” in the club, and tell Demi that it “wasn’t literal.”

Kim obviously didn’t appreciate that Demi Moore has been working on slavery issues all week, so it makes sense that she was sensitive to it.

While some news sites quickly asked how could Demi Moore, star of Striptease and Indecent Proposal, call someone else on “glorifying” the pimp culture, I see no reason to go back to the years 1996 and 1993 — when her husband Ashton Kutcher was likely still in braces — to prove hypocrisy. Her last tweet before “the incident” was this:

Hilarious!! Lady Gaga on Chatroulette for “Telephone” [Video]: http://digg.com/d31Mri9?t
about 17 hours ago via Digg

Click on the video.

Not only is it featuring Chatroulette — a website that exists solely for the curious, the creepy, and the voyeuristic — but the video glorifies women exposing themselves to strangers. At the very least it is certainly an homage to webcam strip teases where *coughcough* where women are paid for their assets. Slavery, Demi?

And of course, if you’ve seen Lady Gaga’s video for “Telephone,” you know that it respects women in every way. They even put them in cages. (P.S. I hyperlinked the “clean version”)

And I forgot my most amazing last point. Demi Moore likes a video spoof about Lady Gaga’s “Telephone.” Lady Gaga features Beyoncé in the video, and Beyoncé is married to Jay-Z who wrote “Big Pimpin” so that Kim Kardashian could listen to it in a club ten years later. Oh snap.

Audrey out.

Mar

Katherine Heigl Hanging Up Her Scrubs for Good

By Holly Won't 12 Comments

Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Movie Stars and Television Stars

Major diva Katherine Heigl is saying her departure from Grey’s Anatomy, the show that started her career, has nothing whatsoever to do with her inexplicably blossoming film stardom and is totally because being a mom is way important to her:

“I am done,” declares Heigl. “We just finalized our agreement. Everyone had been working really hard to find an amicable and gracious way of letting go and moving on. It’s sad but it’s what I wanted.”

The 31-year-old actress reveals that it was family issues, not her burgeoning film career, that prompted her to approach series creator Shonda Rhimes and ask to be let out of her contract 18 months early. “I started a family and it changed everything for me,” says Heigl, who took a three-month family leave from Grey’s this season to bond with her newly-adopted daughter, Naleigh. “It changed my desire to work full-time.”

What a pantload.

IMDb.com tidily provided a list of several movies to which she is currently attached and that presumably have promotional requirements for her to fulfill. The first is Killers, formerly known by its working title “Katherine Heigl/Ashton Kutcher Untitled Action Comedy.” If a vehicle like that doesn’t scream “Oscar,” I don’t know what will.

The second is Life As We Know It with Josh Duhamel, and here’s an interesting bit of trivia for you: Filming for this schlockfest started on September 14, 2009 — just four days after Heigl adopted her daughter on September 10 and coinciding with her so-called maternity leave from the set of Grey’s. I remember thinking at the time that this was really weird. Don’t adoptions take months to finalize? So wouldn’t she have had plenty of time to work her schedule around the arrival of her daughter?

And she didn’t stop there. She conveniently forgot to mention the projects she has in development in the coming year or so:

One for the Money
Drawn Together (aka “Untitled Katherine Heigl Project”)
Lost & Found
Is He the One
Escape

So I’m sorry, what was that again about wanting to give up working full-time for family issues?

Jan

Wanted: The Truth About Demi Moore’s Photoshopping

By Holly Won't 20 Comments

Categories: Businesses, Fashionistas, Legal Messes and Movie Stars

demi-moore-wanted

In November, Demi Moore launched a full-blown legal assault on the very idea that she would be Photoshopped for the cover of W magazine. She even went as far as to authorize her attorneys to intimidate anyone who would suggest she might have had a little digital help to, say, steal the body of a runway model half her age.

An excerpt from a letter her legal team sent to one offending blogger:

[T]he truth is now well established. My client’s hips, waist or legs were not altered, retouched, or photoshopped for the cover image. Statements stating or implying to the contrary are false and defamatory.

As you are undoubtedly well aware, my client’s appearance is of great importance to her career and livelihood, and false claims or insinuations that she secretly uses extraordinary artificial means to alter her appearance are extremely damaging.

Just one technicality: I don’t think anyone calls photo retouching “secret” or “extraordinary” anymore. As far as everyone is concerned, it’s par for the course in any image designed to sell something — especially beauty products.

Like, for example, Demi’s new perfume ads for Helena Rubinstein. On the left is the ad that is now running in magazines. On the right, a frame from the photo shoot for said ad snapped by Demi’s husband Ashton Kutcher and posted on Twitter.

Continue reading ‘Wanted: The Truth About Demi Moore’s Photoshopping’

Jul

A Challenge for the ‘I Hate the Paps’ Celebrity Types

By Holly Won't 11 Comments

Categories: Businesses, Fashionistas, Movie Stars and Television Stars

anti-paparazzi-device Listen up, Heidi “I Want More Privacy” Pratt. There’s an investment opportunity I want you to hear about. You’ll want in on this too, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. As will anyone with the last name of Spelling, Lohan, or Gosselin.

This ingenious little invention is just the thing for those celebrities who always claim the paps are such a nuisance:

New York University graduate student Adam Harvey recently invented a smart alternative for camera-shy celebrities, one that won’t tarnish their public image or end in an assault charge. His “anti-paparazzi device,” which is built into a clutch purse, uses a photo cell that picks up a photographer’s flash and communicates with a circuitboard, which then fires LED lights that flash back at paparazzi, ruining their photos. …

Although Harvey began developing the device for his class, he wasn’t able to perfect it, and since last fall he has continued to refine the design. Currently the wiring and batteries fit in a ladies’ clutch, but he hopes to continue reducing the size of the device to the point that it could be worn in something as small as a pendant or tie tack. In its current form the device is activated by powering it on and then tilting the clutch. The sensor will register a flash being fired from up to a 45 degree angle each way.

I expect it to sell by the dozen and hear a lot less collective whining about privacy, and if it doesn’t or I don’t — I’m calling each and every one of those famewhores out for maybe not really minding the attention so much after all.

May

Ashton Kutcher, Unclear on the Twitter Concept

By Holly Won't 28 Comments

Categories: Movie Stars, Television Stars and Writers

ashton_demi2 Twittering fiends Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are just SHOCKED and APPALLED that there might be a reality show about Twitter:

Ashton Kutcher and his wife, Demi Moore, who have more than 3 million Twitter followers between them, have posted Tweets to the effect that a TV show based on Twitter would equate a sellout on the Web site’s part.

“It’s all fun and games until somebody gets stalked,” Kutcher posted Monday on Twitter. “I really don’t like being sold out. May have to take a Twitter hiatus.”

Moore followed suit with a post that read, “Hope this isn’t true — if it is our Twitter time may come to a quick and sad end!”

But a few facts were omitted from the MSN article about the jackhole who is so nervous about stalkers.

Ashton has updated his profile 33 more times since Monday — including streaming video of the set where he is currently filming his next project — for a total of 2,240 tweets since he joined the site. He instigated a Twitter battle with CNN to see who could get to a million followers first. (He won.) He’s even posted Twitpics of his wife’s behind.

And after all that he is suddenly concerned about his Twitter privacy?

(A curtsy to Angry Army Wife for the tip!)

Mar

Murder, She Tweeted: Ashton Posts Secret Butt Shot of Demi

By Holly Won't 31 Comments

Categories: Bad Boys & Girls, Movie Stars and Television Stars

demi_moore_bikini_twitter It’s been days since Ashton Kutcher made himself look like an idiot on Twitter, but give him enough time and the man will always prevail.

He tweeted:

watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!
9:43 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I’m not wearing the bikini she is that’s what makes it so glorious
9:46 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

shhh don’t tell wifey http://twitpic.com/2bj58
10:11 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

So he took a photo of Demi Moore bending over in a bikini and posted it without her permission on the internet. I’m sure she’ll never find out.

A show of hands from the men out there who think they’d still be alive if they did this to their wives or girlfriends? Do I hear crickets?

And need I remind Ashton of what he said last year about Demi stopping him from acting like a jackass?

‘Sometimes I act like I’m 50; other times you’d think I was ten,’ he reflects. ‘Somewhere in the middle is a guy who loves parties and having a good time, but who will never forget he’s got family responsibilities too.

‘I’m not saying partying and parenting cancel each other out, but’ - and he winks knowingly - ‘it takes a cool head and sleight of hand to do them both well.

‘I mean, I feel so darn grown up now I’m 30, even though the number is inconsequential.’

Because this is what grown-ups and parents do. Seriously, someone punch this guy in the face.

Mar

DECEIVER MADNESS: Day 1 Results

By The Oversneer 0 Comments

Categories: Deceiver Madness

It was an up-and-down seesaw for Deceiver Madness contenders in Round 1 yesterday.

But eight celeb-u-phonies emerged victorious, and eight more headed back to the bench to wait for next year’s Deceiver tourney (or the MTV awards, which is kinda the same thing when you think about it…)

Below you’ll find Monday’s results, along with an updated bracket. We had three upsets, including the 11-seed Bono trouncing Ashton Kutcher, and 12th-seeded Aussie “vegetarian” Sophie Monk walloping the NBC television network with her KFC drumsticks. And in the most lopsided contest, sushi-phile Jeremy “The Thermometer” Piven pinned “Wrestler” Mickey Rourke by a colossal 4-to-1-margin

But there’s no rest for the wicked — today brings eight more Round 1 matchups.

Can you handle the excitement? (I know … me neither!)

We’re just getting started, so tell everyone you know — especially those unfortunate souls who lose money betting on hoops brackets every year by picking the prettier mascot. But as Dave Letterman used to say during “Stupid Pet Tricks,” this is only an exhibition. So please — no wagering.

Continue reading ‘DECEIVER MADNESS: Day 1 Results’

Mar

DECEIVER MADNESS Round 1: Bono vs. Bozo

By The Oversneer 67 Comments

Categories: Deceiver Madness, Environmentalists, Musicians and Television Stars

politicos-header a3-bono-kutcher

We’ve heard some complaints about this pairing. Apparently, some in the peanut gallery thought Bono should have been seeded higher. That may be a fair assessment, but we thought it was high time the U2 front man learned to work hard for something.

Continue reading ‘DECEIVER MADNESS Round 1: Bono vs. Bozo’

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