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Feb

Followup: It wasn’t Dragons After All!

By Pastafarian 15 Comments

Categories: Legal Messes and Movie Stars

You might think I’m following the Brittany Murphy story a little too closely, but no one ever complained about that back in the salad days of Simon Scowl and John Edwards. I’m just sayin’.

I was fascinated with the idea that a sexy, young Hollywood starlet type could fall for a schlubby, unkempt, unshaven type. Especially one who would defend her against the scurrilous, absolutely untrue allegations that her purse was a portable pharmacy.

Not me of course. I wear a monocle and top hat for breakfast. More for you, really.And my purse is a portable — well, never mind.

Admit it: some of you laughed when I suggested it might not have been a dragon attack that killed her.

Surprise!

The L.A. County coroner’s office says actress Brittany Murphy died of pneumonia complicated by an iron deficiency ( Ed.-I guess she never stood at the business end of my rifle), anemia and multiple drug intoxication.

Coroner officials said Murphy had gone into sudden cardiac arrest because of “drug intake,” and the Dec. 20 death was classified as an accident. They said an autopsy report would be available in two weeks.

It really is all very sad. But let this be a lesson to you. Next time some beefy, sexy, and unshaven Lothario offers you unconditional love if you’ll just let him have a credit card and your bank account number, don’t give it to him.

I wouldn’t. Not again.

Jan

News Flash: John Edwards is Still a Slimeball

By The Oversneer 10 Comments

Categories: Slimy Creeps and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

edwards-farewell Remember John Edwards? That whole “Two Americas” riff from way back in December 2007? (One you marry, the other you knock up…) The $400 haircuts? The mistress? The cancer-stricken wife? The love child? The smarmy excuses?

Me neither.

But apparently the National Enquirer isn’t letting pretty-boy Breck Girl go. Because–well, he’s still trying to bang anything with a pulse and no Y chromosomes:

[T]he philandering ex-senator embarked on a “sex-and-booze bender” after what appeared to be a marriage-ending blowout fight with his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth.

While still publicly not admitting paternity of his love child – who turns 2 in February – the disgraced former presidential candidate shocked eyewitnesses by recently spending several consecutive nights trawling bars in search of women.

Before booting her shameless husband from their home after Christmas, Elizabeth screamed at John that she was “finally signing” the divorce papers she had her lawyers draw up last year during a previous battle over his relationship with Rielle Hunter, the mother of his baby.

Edwards fled to the couple’s vacation home on Figure Eight Island near Wilmington, N.C. – and attempted to bed a female bartender as well as bar patrons young enough to be his daughter, say shocked witnesses.

In a bombshell exclusive interview with The ENQUIRER, bartender Stephanie Breshears revealed that Edwards repeatedly tried to get her to go back to his house for sex. The 34-year-old divorced mother-of-two said Edwards hit on her “for four consecutive nights” at the local Kornerstone Bistro, where she works.

“I think he’s scum,” Stephanie told The ENQUIRER. “He was definitely looking to pick up women when he came in here – and he wanted me to go back to his house.”

Not for nothing, the Edwards for President people still have his campaign website up online. Complete with hopeful “Yay America!” language, bumper stickers, and a soft-airbrushed pic of him and the wife he cheated on.

You stay classy, John Boy.

Jan

Study confirms: Deceiver.com balances out the universe

By Audrey Skepburn 6 Comments

Categories: Activists, Businesses, Crazy People, Entertainment, PETA, Scientists, Sports Figures and The Religious

edwards Here at Deceiver, we don’t think of ourselves as doing much good for society as a whole. We rank ourselves somewhere between a colon cleanse company and Ipecac manufacturers. We have a great product, but we make a lot of people feel sick inside.

According to a recent Northwestern University study, though, we are helping restore balance to the universe. Yep, you heard me right.

It turns out that powerful people really do hold those beneath them to a much higher standard than they hold themselves. So nyah-nyah, it’s not just our enlightened proletariat opinion anymore. The study also confirms that people who don’t feel entitled to power let “the deceivers” get away with it.

We try not to let that happen here, of course. That’s the whole point. We play bookie to the social order, tilting the whole thing back toward center. And our mission has just been legitimized by science. (What WILL we use this new found power for?)

Continue reading ‘Study confirms: Deceiver.com balances out the universe’

Dec

Hey, Remember Rielle Hunter?

By Simon Scowl 19 Comments

Categories: Crazy People, Legal Messes, Slimy Creeps, The Naughty Bits, The Washed Up, U.S. Left-wing Politicos and Writers

It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything about her. Not that we’d have heard of her in the first place if the media had their way. But now the National Enquirer, which made fools of all of them, has this update:

When Rielle Hunter, the mother of John Edwards’ love child, demanded more money in child support from the disgraced two-time Presidential loser, he tossed her and their daughter out on the street, sources tell the ENQUIRER exclusively!

Top secret documents obtained exclusively by The ENQUIRER provide undeniable proof that John Edwards is the father of his mistress’ love child – and show that she’s asking for nearly $18,000 a month in support!

But Rielle Hunter’s cash grab so infuriated the disgraced presidential candidate that, sources say, he basically tossed her and their daughter out on the street just days before they were set to move into a house he’d bought for them!

Usually I don’t like a lot of exclamation marks! But then again, these are the guys who broke the story! And kept it alive even as their more “respectable” brethren in newsrooms across the country were trying to sweep it under the rug! So I’ll allow it!

Continue reading ‘Hey, Remember Rielle Hunter?’

Oct

Shepard Fairey Continues to Lose Hope

By Simon Scowl 3 Comments

Categories: Activists, Crazy People, Legal Messes and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

dolt_sm If you thought the Associated Press was going to let up on pic-purloining plagiarist Shepard Fairey, think again!

Last week Fairey admitted lying to the court and falsifying evidence in his lawsuit against the AP. He said he was mistaken about which AP photo he’d used to create the now-ubiquitous HOPE poster, and that his unethical behavior was an attempt to cover up that mistake. The AP ain’t havin’ it:

The Associated Press said Shepard Fairey concocted the story that he was mistaken about which photo he used to create the famous Obama HOPE poster…

Days after Fairey acknowledged trying to destroy potentially damaging evidence in his legal battle with the AP, the news organization filed amended papers in Manhattan federal court on Tuesday accusing the poster artist of deliberate deception. Until recently, Fairey had claimed his image was based on a 2006 photo of then-Sen. Barack Obama, seated next to actor George Clooney. Fairey now says he used a solo, closeup shot of Obama, as the AP had long alleged.

“It is simply not credible that Fairey somehow forgot in January 2009 which source image he used to create the Infringing Works, which were completed only a year earlier in January 2008,” according to the papers filed Tuesday.

Which seems like a good point, especially considering it’s the image that made him world-famous. You’d think something like that would sorta stand out in your mind, huh?

Can Shepard Fairey even admit to a lie without lying? Sounds like he’s doing what political types call a “limited hangout”: When you’re cornered and you can’t get away with your lie anymore, tell just enough of the truth to get yourself out of trouble. Make it look like you’re coming clean, without revealing the stuff that makes you really guilty. Recent examples include John Edwards’ “confession” about the Rielle Hunter affair and pretty much any working day in the Obama White House.

Last week Fairey’s lawyers said they were quitting, but now they’re saying:

A spokesman for Fairey urged patience in seeing what would occur with Fairey’s legal representation. Asked about a timetable for the lawyers’ withdrawal, the spokesperson responded, “There’s a strong possibility that they will, but then again, that may not happen. Nothing’s been decided yet.”

He ripped off one photograph; no, it was another. He was mistaken; wait, how could he forget something like that? His lawyers are quitting; or maybe not. The Shepard Fairey case is like the weather: Just wait a few minutes and somebody will say something ridiculous about it.

Sep

The New York Times Is Rielle Late

By Simon Scowl 52 Comments

Categories: Crazy People, The Washed Up, U.S. Left-wing Politicos and Writers

Within a mere 14 months, the New York Times has gone from actively suppressing the Rielle Hunter story to ripping off the work of humble, hard-working bloggers to breaking news that everybody knows already:

The story of the spectacular rise and fall of John Edwards, with its sordid can’t-look-away dimensions, is moving slowly but deliberately to its conclusion here in North Carolina.

Mr. Edwards, the one-term senator who came close to being elected vice president in 2004 and ran a credible campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008, remains largely secluded at his 100-acre estate here.

But a federal grand jury in nearby Raleigh is investigating whether any crimes were committed in connection with campaign laws in an effort to conceal his extramarital affair with a woman named Rielle Hunter. At the same time, Mr. Edwards is moving toward an abrupt reversal in his public posture; associates said in interviews that he is considering declaring that he is the father of Ms. Hunter’s 19-month-old daughter, something that he once flatly asserted in a television interview was not possible.

That’s quite a scoop, NYT! There might be a tribe in Papua New Guinea who still didn’t know Edwards is the daddy.

There are all kinds of problems with the NYT’s story, mainly its revisionist history of how the story broke and how long it took them to catch up to the National Enquirer and blogs like us. Not to mention passages like this:

When Mr. Edwards was running for president, and later when he still held out hope of a cabinet position in the Obama administration, two of his wealthy patrons, through a once-trusted Edwards aide, quietly provided Ms. Hunter with large financial benefits, including a new BMW and lodging, that were used to keep her out of public view.

Gee, how were they able to do that so quietly? You’d think the media turned a blind eye or something. Weird!

But it’s Sunday and I don’t feel like getting into it. Just read their stupid story yourself and laugh along at their attempts to salvage their reputation.

Update: Okay, one other tidbit. From former Edwards lackey Andrew Young’s book proposal:

In the proposal, which The New York Times examined, Mr. Young says that he assisted the affair by setting up private meetings between Mr. Edwards and Ms. Hunter. He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.

But only because at that point, Phish hadn’t gotten back together yet.

Aug

This Is the Only Kind of Cabinet John Edwards Is Ever Going to Handle

By Simon Scowl 25 Comments

Categories: The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

We already know John Edwards is fond of the casting couch. Now he’s helping his long-suffering wife Elizabeth sell whole living-room sets!

According to WTVD in Durham, NC:

Elizabeth Edwards is now a business owner.

On Saturday, She and her husband, former NC senator and presidential candidate John Edwards, were all smiles for the grand opening of Mrs. Edwards’ new furniture store, Red Window.

The Chapel Hill store is an idea, Elizabeth Edwards said, dating back to her childhood.

“My mother had a charity store when I was growing up where she got Japanese antiques and sold them,” she said…

Elizabeth Edwards called the store a family endeavor. On hand for the opening was her assistant manager and 11-year-old daughter Emma Claire, along with John Edwards.

“I do more moving furniture than anything else,” John Edwards said. “This is Elizabeth’s deal, but everybody in the family is trying to help support her.”

Isn’t that wonderful? Positively heartwarming. There he is, moving furniture like the down-to-earth millworker’s son he is. Just the sort of guy you might want to forgive for his little indiscretions and elect President of the United States one day, right? Right.

But as Deceiver supercommenter Fortunate Son reminds us, this isn’t John’s first foray into the furniture business. As the AP reported last May:

Failed presidential candidate John Edwards, whose political action committee paid more than $100,000 to his mistress’ company, acknowledged Sunday that federal investigators were looking into how he handled his campaign funds…

“I am confident that no funds from my campaign were used improperly,” Edwards said in the statement. “However, I know that it is the role of government to ensure that this is true. We have made available to the United States both the people and the information necessary to help them get the issue resolved efficiently and in a timely matter…”

His political action committee paid Hunter’s firm $100,000 for video production in a four-month span in 2006, and then paid an additional $14,086.50 on April 1, 2007. At the time, the PAC only had $7,932.95 in cash on hand, according to records filed with the Federal Election Commission.

That same day, according to the records, Edwards’ presidential campaign paid the PAC $14,034.61 for what is listed as a “furniture purchase.”

It’s bad enough that he treated Rielle literally like a piece of furniture. Is Elizabeth rubbing it in now?

In other Edwards news, Lee Stranahan thinks Elizabeth is still lying to protect John, and Mickey Kaus has a theory about John’s refusal to just come clean and tell us what we all know already. And the guys who started this whole ball rolling, the National Enquirer, say that Edwards is used to moving furniture by now, after moving Rielle and the baby into a house near his Wilmington mansion. Red Window, Scarlet Letter, whatever…

Aug

Big Baby to Admit Paternity of Little Baby?

By Simon Scowl 22 Comments

Categories: The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

According to WRAL in Raleigh, NC:

Sources have told WRAL News that they expect former U.S. Sen. John Edwards to admit that he is the father of his former mistress’ 18-month-old daughter.

Who knew?

8/14 update: Edwards’ lawyer won’t talk about paternity story

Aug

Least-Shocking John Edwards Story Ever?

By Simon Scowl 10 Comments

Categories: Crazy People, The Naughty Bits, The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

The usual grain-of-salt warning: This is from the National Enquirer. Say what you want about them, but they’ve been right about this story so far…

John Edwards has secretly undergone a DNA test – and it proves he’s the father of his mistress’ love child, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

Multiple sources confirm the bombshell development, and reveal lawyers for the disgraced presidential candidate are privately hammering out child support payments with his former lover Rielle Hunter.

Edwards – who hotly denied he was the child’s father when he publicly confessed his affair with Rielle on ABC’s Nightline a year ago – has broken the news to his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth, sources say.

I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I think maybe Elizabeth suspected something was up.

Recall that previously Edwards said he was eager to do the DNA test, but Rielle refused. Which sure was convenient. That’s the problem with hush money: When the money stops, so does the hushing.

So, we’ve got Elizabeth’s book, Andrew Young writing his own tell-all book, Rielle testifying in front of a federal grand jury last week about the source of the big piles of cash Edwards was throwing at her… How is it this guy doesn’t have a spot in the Obama administration?

(Okay, okay, this is the second-least shocking John Edwards story. #1 is: That’s not his natural color.)

Aug

Looks Like John Edwards Is in Rielle Trouble Again

By Simon Scowl 51 Comments

Categories: Crazy People, The Washed Up and U.S. Left-wing Politicos

guesswhosback The Raleigh News & Observer observes this news:

Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ former girlfriend, slipped in the back door of the federal courthouse this morning to speak to a grand jury.

Hunter carried her daughter, Frances Quinn Hunter, who was born in February 2008. Edwards, a former senator from North Carolina, has denied being the father of Frances, though he has admitted an affair with Hunter during his failed run in 2006 for the Democratic nomination for president…

A federal grand jury is investigating whether Edwards misused campaign funds as hush money for Hunter.

Hunter, a recovered drug addict and videographer, was paid $100,000 by the Edwards campaign in 2006 to produce a series of videos offering an intimate look at Edwards during his campaign. As part of the investigation, the grand jury may ask questions that will help them determine whether Hunter was paid a fair market rate for her work.

Andrew Young, a former Edwards aide who claimed paternity of Hunter’s daughter, has pitched a tell-all book to a New York publisher. In his proposal, Young said he is not the father of Frances Quinn and that he earlier took responsibility for the child as a favor to Edwards.

It was one year ago this week when the Rielle Hunter story blew up, despite the efforts of 99.9% of the media to sweep it under the rug for almost a month. (Not to mention the efforts of persons unknown to erase all evidence of Hunter’s existence from the Internet.) Is it about to flare up all over again? I kind of hope not… I still haven’t recovered from the sleep deprivation the last time it did.

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